Topics relevant to therapy.
On Human Nature: One of the most important realizations for anyone interested in therapy is that we are part of Nature. What we feel, think and do is all natural. It may not be desirable, or productive, or approved of by others, but it’s as natural as wind and rain. Even our conscious choices are shaped by needs and forces of nature that in many ways are beyond our control. As we become aware of why we act and feel the way we do, we can become more accepting of ourselves and others and more effective in leading our lives.
On Emotion and Motion: Emotions are spontaneous responses to situations we encounter. I find it useful to view four emotions as “primary:” fear, anger, sadness and joy. There are many more complicated emotional states, but like colors they all are derivative or combinations of the primary responses. Each emotion leads to movement, and to interaction. When each core response does not lead to its “expected” or needed outcome, we are left with what is best described as “unfinished business.” Fear and anger are responses to danger. Sadness is a response to loss of something or someone to which/whom we were attached or bonded. And joy is a response to situations in which our lives are for at least a moment unburdened.
Unfinished business, especially formative experiences we had in childhood and life-threatening experiences at any point in our lives (war, assault, nearly fatal accidents) continue to shape our lives. Even though they’re often hard to understand, our dreams continually remind us of what is unfinished and point us toward solutions. In waking life we repeat the behaviors and hold on to the beliefs that kept us alive in the original situations, and (usually) without knowing it we gravitate toward situations that will give us another chance to overcome the original dilemma(s). To “finish” the old business we need to become aware of it and to make it a conscious and meaningful part of our current lives, and of the lives of the people and community around us. To help that happen, therapy must help us find ways to express and act on emotion, not just control it.
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